


Gratuitous Moirail Spitroast

by Bobsled_Hostage



Series: Rose <3 Kanaya <> Karkat <3< Rose Nonsense [1]
Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/F, F/M, Spitroasting, Threesome - F/F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 02:57:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6735121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bobsled_Hostage/pseuds/Bobsled_Hostage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CG: REMEMBER THAT TIME, A FEW LINES UP, WHEN I SAID ‘OH FUCK NO’<br/>CG: REMEMBER HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD WHEN I SAID THAT TO YOU?<br/>CG: IMAGINE I’M SAYING THAT TO YOU AGAIN.<br/>CG: WAIT, NO, YOU DON’T HAVE TO IMAGINE IT AT ALL.<br/>CG: AND I QUOTE:<br/>CG: “CG: OH FUCK NO.”<br/>TT: Oh fuck yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rose sat on the landing of one of the meteor’s innumerable staircases, book open in her lap, legs kicking idly over the vast expanse of open space below.  She had raided Karkat’s private treasury of trashy paperbacks, the ones he didn’t leave out on the shelves for just anyone to see.  They ranged from tastefully lewd to merely obscene, most crossing over from what one might tactfully call a ‘bodice ripper’ into the realm of garden variety smut.  

At the moment she was leafing through them and devising imaginative ways to publically reference their contents where he could hear her, so as to alert him in the most embarrassing possible fashion that she knew what he enjoyed privately.  Not that any of it would come as a surprise.

Or so she’d thought.

The book currently occupying her attention was truly godawful.  The prose was mechanical at best and the premise was schlocky enough that, were it not for the content, she wouldn’t have bothered mining it for amusing quotes to leave chalked in the streets of Can Town.  In the story, the protagonist’s red and black quadrants were occupied by a pair of moirails, an arrangement typical of low-rent romantic dramas.  What interested her was the focal point of the racier bits: the way the palemates shared _everything._

Namely a concupiscent partner.

At the same time.

The Seer of Light thought about her own situation.  Black with Karkat, red with Kanaya, and the both of them pale for one another.  And now, the revelation that one of them had been ‘beating his bulge,’ as he termed it, to this exact circumstance.

Getting what she wanted would require both delicacy and guile.  A Light touch, if you’d forgive the wordplay.

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  
TT: I want to ask you about your relationship with Kanaya.  
CG: FANTASTIC.  
CG: FUCK OFF.  
CG: IS THAT ENOUGH WORDS OR DO YOU WANT ME TO GO INTO MORE INTIMATE DETAIL?  
TT: I eagerly await any and all thoughts you have on the matter.  
CG: OK HERE, ARE YOU READY?  
CG: FUUUUUUUUUCK  
CG: OFFFFFFFFFFFFFF  
TT: Slow down, please, I need to ensure that I get this all down.  
CG: YOU KNOW YOU CAN ASK HER, RIGHT?  
CG: CONSIDERING THAT, JUST AS I AM HER MOIRAIL, SHE IS MY MOIRAIL.  
CG: THAT’S HOW IT WORKS, IN CASE THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WONDERING.  
CG: AND SHE ACTUALLY ENJOYS TALKING WITH YOU.  
CG: WHICH MAKES ONE OF US.  
TT: How evasive.  
TT: Fine then, if you aren’t feeling up to discussing your personal affairs, I’ll have to forge bravely ahead to the real purpose of this interaction.  
TT: I’ve been skimming the fiction you loaned me.  
CG: YOU MEAN YOU STOLE.  
TT: Stole, borrowed, the Alternian words are practically the same.  
CG: NO, THAT’S AN ELEMENTARY MISTAKE YOU’RE DELIBERATELY MAKING TO IRRITATE ME.  
CG: IF YOU WANT TO BORROW SOMETHING YOU CAN ASK, YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP STEALING THINGS OFF MY BOOKSHELF.  
TT: The particular specimen I want to ask you about didn’t come off the shelf.  
TT: It’s from, shall we say, your ‘private’ collection.  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.  
TT: I find it genuinely adorable that you still think there’s even a single thing you can hide from me.  
TT: Ordinarily I wouldn’t employ that word, but I also happen to know it’s one of your favorites.  
TT: ~adorable~  
TT: Adorably transparent.  
CG: BLOW ME.    
CG: I AM A MYSTERY WRAPPED IN AN ENIGMA WRAPPED IN A SERIES OF PUZZLES, EACH OF WHICH COULD IN AND OF ITSELF STUMP YOUR PUERILE ATTEMPTS TO UNLOCK THE INNER MACHINATIONS OF MY MIND.  
CG: AND WHICH TAKEN AS A WHOLE FORM AN IMPENETRABLE BARRIER TO YOUR GROTESQUE, PRURIENT INTEREST IN MY *PRIVATE* CHOICE OF EROTIC LITERATURE.  
TT: Oh?  
TT: You really believe our somewhat regular, somewhat messy black encounters haven’t given me a complete picture of your psychosexual makeup?  
TT: (Though in all honesty I don’t know how you can really refer to it as kismesitude when the majority of your loathing doesn’t seem reserved for me)  
CG: IS THAT YOUR EXPERT OPINION?  
CG: ‘KARKAT DOESN’T LIKE HIMSELF’  
CG: YOU CAN’T SEE IT, BUT I’M PROSTRATING MYSELF IN AWE OF YOUR INCREDIBLE DEDUCTIVE ABILITIES.  
CG: YOU’VE DONE IT, YOU’VE CRACKED THE CASE.  
CG: BY DISCOVERING SOMETHING OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WHO HAS EVER SPOKEN TO ME, EVER.  
CG: HERE’S YOUR REWARD, ARE YOU READY?  
CG: I CALL IT: GO FUCK YOURSELF.  
TT: Moving onward.  
TT: I won’t belabor you with the full title, but abbreviated it’s something like ‘Wherein the gutterblood protagonist is elevated beyond his station to the position of Lieutenant aboard a troop carrier bound for the furthest reaches of the known universe, attracting the attention of a pair of moirails several castes higher than himself and falling into their red and black quadrants respectively, featuring’ etc and so on.  
CG: OH FUCK NO.  
CG: WHY WOULD YOU READ THAT ONE?  
CG: THAT’S SCRAPING THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.  THAT’S DISCOVERING THE BARREL HAS A FALSE BOTTOM, BENEATH WHICH THERE’S ANOTHER LAYER OF FILTH TO SCRAPE.  
CG: THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T GO RUMMAGING THROUGH MY SHIT, WITHOUT MY EXPERT RECOMMENDATIONS YOU’LL INEVITABLY PULL OUT SOMETHING ATROCIOUS AND UPSET YOUR *DELICATE* PROGRESSION THROUGH MY SPECIES LITERARY AND ARTISTIC CANON.  
TT: I won’t contest that the characters are paper thin, or that the story is riddled with gaping plotholes.  
TT: Not to mention the actual pailing scenes read like something out of an eighth grader’s sex education manual.  
TT: But I have to wonder why Karkat Vantas, esteemed Quadrant Expert™ and connoisseur of only the best romantic fiction ever to emerge from his species ‘literary and artistic canon,’ would allow such an abominable display among what I will euphemistically term his jerk-off material.  
TT: Wait, no, that wasn’t a euphemism at all.  
CG: GEE I DON’T KNOW.  
CG: WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME, SINCE YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING EXPERT ON MY ‘PSYCHOSEXUAL MAKEUP’  
CG: HE ASKED, NOT CARING BUT KNOWING SHE COULDN’T RESIST TELLING HIM ANYWAY.  
TT: Well, if you’re demanding an answer.  
TT: The obvious interpretation, and the one I’ve chosen, is that the recurring scenario in this classic of the genre is one that features prominently in your own sexual fantasies.  
TT: The recurring scenario in which the main character pails both his concupiscent quadrants at once.  
CG: REMEMBER THAT TIME, A FEW LINES UP, WHEN I SAID ‘OH FUCK NO’  
CG: REMEMBER HOW MUCH FUN WE HAD WHEN I SAID THAT TO YOU?  
CG: IMAGINE I’M SAYING THAT TO YOU AGAIN.  
CG: WAIT, NO, YOU DON’T HAVE TO IMAGINE IT AT ALL.  
CG: AND I QUOTE:  
CG: “CG: OH FUCK NO.”  
TT: Oh fuck yes.  
TT: You’ve been vigorously fondling yourself to a contrived piece of erotic fiction, whose protagonist happens to occupy the same position I do.  
TT: In terms of our romantic arrangements, not a physical position sandwiched between a pair of palemates.  
TT: Yet.  
CG: HAS MY THOUGHTSPONGE MERCIFULLY DISSOLVED INTO A SLIMY PUDDLE OF SCREAMING INSANITY?  
CG: OR DID YOU INITIATE THIS CONVERSATION TO SUGGEST THAT KANAYA AND I JOIN YOU IN A GRATUITOUS MOIRAIL SPITROAST?  
TT: Very kind of you to lift from my shoulders the burden of the ‘hard ask,’ as it were.  
TT: That is, word for word, exactly what I am suggesting.  
TT: How refreshingly perceptive of you.  
CG: HA HA HA, HA HA HA.  
CG: HA.  
CG: HAVE I TOLD YOU YOU’RE FUCKING HILARIOUS?  
TT: Many times.  
TT: Although I can’t for the life of me figure out why you’re reminding me now.  
TT: As at the moment I’m nothing but deadly serious.  
TT: What is it they say?  
TT: ‘It’s still moirallegiance as long as the nooks don’t touch’  
TT: I believe you yourself helpfully suggested a scant few lines up how we might arrange things with a concupiscent partner acting as a buffer.  
TT: To ensure that nothing untoward occurs between the two of you.  
CG: GOOD JOB LALONDE, YOU REALLY HAD ME GOING FOR A SECOND.    
CG: GOING TO THE LOAD GAPER TO VIOLENTLY DISCHARGE THE CONTENTS OF MY NUTRITION CISTERN, AFTER LAUGHING MYSELF SICK AT YOUR HILARIOUS GAG.  
TT: What will it take to convince you that this is an entirely genuine inquiry?  
TT: A tasteful handwritten note, closed with my personal seal in wax?  
TT: A sheaf of exhaustively researched, extensively peer reviewed academic papers examining the question?  
TT: Shall I ask Dave to compose a sonnet?  
TT: No, an epic poem in dactylic hexameter, asking in as much excruciating detail as possible whether you and your diamond would like to stuff his sister full of your squirming genitals simultaneously.  
CG: YOU CAN STOP WHENEVER, I’M NOT FALLING FOR IT.  
TT: Actually, why don’t I ask Kanaya.  
CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.  
TT: But how could I not?    
TT: If you’ll recall, you demanded that I direct queries regarding your relationship to her, given that she enjoys conversing with me while you, as you have demonstrated, do not.  
CG: GOD DAMMIT, NO!  
CG: I’M NOT KIDDING, DO NOT TELL KANAYA ABOUT THIS.  
CG: DO NOT ASK HER WHAT YOU JUST ASKED ME.  
TT: <3<  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 


	2. Chapter 2

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
TT: Hello.  
GA: Hello Rose <3  
GA: Are You Wearing The Outfit I Left Out For You?  
TT: Yes.  
GA: And What Do You Think  
GA: Keeping In Mind As Always That There Is Absolutely No Need To Spare My Feelings  
TT: From what dark, cobwebbed recess of your brain did this monstrosity spring?  
GA: I Based The Design On Harem Wear From A Popular Film I Enjoyed As A Wriggler  
GA: And Continue To Return To Long After Pupation Although Perhaps Not For The Same Reasons  
TT: Pray, tell, was this film about a flood victim?  
TT: And if not, why would you attempt to dress me like one?  
GA: I Think You Will Find That As Always The Only Flood You Are A Victim Of Is That Of Excellent Taste And Impeccable Dress Sense  
GA: The One I Am Perpetually Bathed In, Drowning In Even  
TT: The color is lovely but my objection still stands.  
TT: It feels like any given part is going to fall off at any moment.  
TT: Although thinking about it now given its stated purpose I imagine that was a deliberate design choice.  
GA: The Original Design Was Held Together In Part By The Wearers Numerous Piercings But I Am Almost Positive That I Engineered Around That To Compensate For Your Relative Lack Of Bodily Shrapnel  
GA: Perhaps You Are Wearing It Wrong  
GA: If You Like I Can Stop By Your Block And Educate You On The Proper Way To Put It On  
TT: Now is that a genuine offer?  
TT: Or, and bear with me here,  
TT: Are you actually looking for an excuse to stop by and take it off?  
GA: I Am Shocked Appalled And Offended That You Would Insinuate Such A Thing  
GA: What Universe Do You Think We Live In Where I Would Doll You Up In Silks And Jewels  
GA: Paying Close Attention To Every Intricate Detail And Ensuring That Every Bangle Sash And Stole Hung Off You In Just The Right Way  
GA: Only To Immediately Fall Upon You Like A Libidinous Day Walker Peel The Whole Thing Off And Mount You Right Then And There On The Nearest Soft Surface  
TT: I don’t know, but I’ll posit that the answer is as follows:  
TT: All of them, including but not limited to the one we live in.  
GA: Well I Never  
TT: Actually, there’s a question I’d like to pose to you.  
TT: A fascinating hypothetical virtually guaranteed to titillate at least to the same degree as the one you just posited.  
GA: Im Listening  
TT: Please don’t take this the wrong way:  
TT: How do you and your moirail feel about threesomes?  
GA: Well That Is Certainly An Interesting Question But I Have Just A Few Of My Own Before I Tender My Reply  
GA: Namely Have You Gone One Hundred Percent Shithive Maggots  
GA: How Do You Think Karkat Would React If I Were To Ask Him This  
TT: Better than when I did.  
GA: You What  
TT: I asked him if he was interested.  
GA: What In The Name Of The Mother Grubs Wildly Flagellating Ovipositor Would Persuade You To Do Such A Thing  
GA: Rose Sweetness I Understand That He Is Your Spade And Thus You Feel You Would Be Remiss If You Did Not Take Every Opportunity To Harangue Him About Anything And Everything That Popped Into Your Head  
GA: But I Must Inform You That Harassing Him In Such Away Goes Beyond What Is Appropriate For A Pitch Relationship  
GA: Specifically Your Involving His Diamond Creates Difficulties For Me That I Wish You Would Avoid  
GA: Whatever Amusement This Will Provide You Is Certainly Far Less Than The Headache Cleaning Up After Your Jackassery Will Be For Me  
TT: Regrettably I couldn’t get it through his thick skull that this was actually something I was interested in.  
TT: I was hoping I’d have more luck with you.  
GA: Alas I Am Not Sure What It Is You Mean  
TT: I don’t believe that for a second.  
TT: However I won’t refuse an opportunity to embarrass Karkat with all the vulgar details, especially to someone he can’t reasonably object to my sharing his secrets with.  
TT: I stole a book from his collection, one about a troll whose kismesis and matesprit happen to be moirails, and who has intercourse with both of them at once multiple times throughout the story.  
TT: Said book was sequestered away from the collection he normally keeps visible to the viewing public.  
TT: Rather, I pilfered it from the private stash, the one he maintains for masturbatory purposes when he thinks there isn’t a God Tier Seer of Light abusing her ability to scry on him.  
TT: Honestly I’m surprised he hasn’t told you.  
TT: I thought you two were closer than that.  
GA: Please Do Not Cast Aspersions On The Integrity Of My Pale Quadrant  
GA: At Least Not In That Particular Way  
GA: I Know You Mean It As A Joke And On Any Other Subject I Would Respond In Kind Because I Enjoy Arguing With You About Trivial Nonsense For The Purposes Of Our Mutual Amusement  
GA: But In This Case It Makes Me Uncomfortable  
TT: I’m sorry.  
GA: Apology Accepted  
GA: Either Way One Piece Of Salacious Fiction Is Hardly Casus Belli For Such A Brazen Solicitation  
GA: While I Accept That Your Aforementioned Powers As A Seer Make You Privy To Insights Not Available To Us Mortals I Fear Youve Gone Too Far  
TT: You’re telling me you aren’t thinking about it now?  
TT: Sitting me in your lap and cramming me as full as I’ll go, then tipping me over on all fours to take your moirail in my mouth while you skewer me from the rear?  
TT: Looking into his red-rimmed eyes as I service his and your pulsating troll cocks?  
TT: Reaching with two outstretched fingers to form a diamond over my shivering, naked body, gasping in the heat and sweat of love?  
GA: Rose Dear You Are Overplaying Your Hand  
TT: Painting every inch of my eager body with your- yes that’s one possibility.  
GA: My But We Are Feeling Amorous Tonight  
GA: I Take It Then That Karkats And My Bulges Are Not Each In Their Own Right Sufficient To Tame Your Raging Mating Fondness  
GA: Leading You To Demand That We Inject You Full Of The Two Of Them At Once  
GA: Look There Evidence That I Too Can Be Playfully Obscene  
TT: No, that hasn’t been a problem.  
TT: Either of you individually would be enough to slake my lust, and I’m very fortunate to have you both practically at my beck and call.  
TT: What I’m proposing here is totally supererogatory.  
GA: Well Then  
GA: It Is Good To Know That You Will Be Able To Function Without The Two Of Us Dicking Some Sense Into You For The Immediate Future  
TT: Isn’t it just.  
TT: I wasn’t trying to trick your moirail into an amusing folly at either of your expense, or upset him by planting ideas in his head (that weren’t already there, anyway).  
TT: I was asking him if he wanted to do something he had clearly been thinking about.  
TT: And that I find really hot.  
TT: If I’m actually bothering you by going on about this please tell me and I’ll never speak another word of it.  
GA: The Idea In Itself Does Not Bother Me  
GA: Even As In Media It Rarely Features Outside The Most Crudely Thrown Together Of Trashy Fiction I Happen To Know That It Is Not Totally Without Precedent In Reality  
GA: But This Is Really Something I Need To Discuss With My Moirail Before I Can Give You A Definite Answer  
TT: Mhmm.  
GA: Would You Like It If I Talked To Him About It?  
TT: That is the exact outcome I was hoping for.  
GA: Can It Wait  
TT: Whatever for?  
GA: Do Not Tell Anyone But There Is A Soft Warm And Very Pitiable Human Somewhere On This Meteor Who Foolishly Accepted My Invitation To Don An Outfit I Designed Specifically For My Nefarious Purposes  
GA: Not Realizing That By Doing So She Unwittingly Pledged Herself To Me In Erotic Servitude For As Long As She Shall Live  
GA: As Has Been Our Custom Since Before Recorded Law  
GA: And Now As A Creature Of The Day I Must Adjourn To Seal This Sacred Compact By Pailing Her Senseless  
TT: Fine then, you go and do that.  
TT: I will remain here, barely clothed and with my aching nethers practically already bare for any vampire dames who feel like swooping in and taking advantage of me.  
TT: I’d lock my door, but oh, even in this negligee the heat is just unbearable.  
TT: It appears I have no choice but to leave it open.  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]


	3. Chapter 3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  
CG: YOU TALKED TO ROSE DIDN’T YOU.  
GA: Hello Karkat  
GA: Yes I Did   
GA: Believe It Or Not That Is Something Matesprits Do On Occasion  
GA: Talk To One Another  
GA: Were You Ever To Find One I Can Only Hope You Would Do The Same  
CG: CAN YOU PLEASE CAN IT WITH THE BEING COY AND THE EVADING OF WHAT WE BOTH KNOW I’M TALKING ABOUT.  
CG: OR SHOULD I SAY ‘KAN’ IT.  
CG: I’M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD.  
GA: It Seems That You Are Never In The Mood  
GA: And Yet You Keep Coming Back For It  
CG: <>  
GA: <>  
GA: I Will Respect Your Wishes And Cut Right To The Bloodpusher Of The Matter  
GA: Rose Lalonde Has Approached Me As I Do Not Doubt She Has You  
GA: I Do Not Doubt It Because She Told Me She Already Did But That Is Beside The Point  
GA: The Point Being That She Wants To Know If You And I Would Be Willing To Pail Her In Concert  
CG: WOW.  
CG: CREDIT WHERE CREDIT’S DUE, WHEN YOU SAY YOU’RE GOING TO BE DIRECT YOU DON’T FUCK AROUND, DO YOU.  
GA: No I Suppose I Do Not  
GA: Though It Does Not Hurt That She Has Already Broached The Subject With Each Of Us Individually  
GA: Before Leaving Us To Deliberate As We Are Doing Now  
CG: OK SO WE’RE DELIBERATING.  
CG: THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.  
CG: I’M NOT JUST LOSING MY FUCKING MIND, YOU’RE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS.  
GA: Are You Not  
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK?  
GA: I Think You Are Going To Be Difficult And Avoid Giving Me A Straight Answer  
CG: ONCE AGAIN, KANAYA MARYAM KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE FUCKING PARK.  
CG: OUT OF THE PARK AND INTO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PARK, A PARK WHERE KARKAT VANTAS CHOKES TO DEATH ON HIS OWN BILE RATHER THAN LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE HIS MOIRAIL TRIES TO STRONGARM HIM INTO HELPING HER GANG FUCK THE CONCUPISCENT QUADRANT THEY SHARE.  
GA: I Am Not Trying To Pressure You Into It  
GA: I Would Never Do Anything Of The Sort And I Am Not Joking When I Say That If I Did Not Know You As Well As I Do I Would Genuinely Be More Than A Little Offended That You Would Accuse Me Of Such A Thing  
GA: I Am Doing My Best To Reassure You That If This Is Something You Genuinely Want To Do With Me I Am Not Totally Opposed To The Concept  
GA: See There I Am Doing It Again  
GA: Expressing Myself With A Bare Minimum Of Words In Order To Communicate Nothing But My Deepest Sincerity  
CG: WORD OF ADVICE: QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD.  
CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD I HAVE ANY INTEREST IN A THREESOME WITH YOU AND LALONDE?  
GA: I Am Not Sure Whether You Are Asking What Would Have Engendered Your Interest In Pailing Someone In Concert With Your Moirail Or Whether You Want To Know Where Rose And By Extension I Came Upon The Idea That You Wanted To Do So  
GA: To The First I Can Offer Nothing But Unfounded Speculation But As For The Latter We Have Evidence Which Rose Has I Understand At This Point Presented To The Both Of Us  
CG: OH FANTASTIC, SHE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT TOO.  
CG: FINE, YES, SOMETIMES I PLAY WITH MYSELF TO SOME WEIRD SHIT.  WHO DOESN’T?  
CG: THAT DOESN’T CONSTITUTE AN OPEN INVITATION TO EVERY FLIGHTY BROAD WHO WANTS TO HARANGUE ME ABOUT WHAT I WAX MY GLOBES TO.  
GA: Are You Worried That If I See You Pail It Will Sicken Me To Such A Degree That It Will Compromise Our Diamond  
CG: YES.  
CG: LOOK AT THAT, I CAN BE DIRECT AND HONEST TOO!  
CG: YOUR CONCERN HAS BEEN REWARDED YET AGAIN WITH ANOTHER SPURT FROM THE STINKING FOUNTAIN OF OFFAL THAT IS KARKAT VANTAS’ *REAL FEELINGS*  
CG: HOW MUCH MORE OF HIS WHINING WILL SHE ALLOW HERSELF TO BE BURDENED WITH?  
CG: HOW MUCH LONGER BEFORE SHE FINALLY CRACKS?  
CG: DON’T TOUCH THAT DIAL, THE ANSWER WON’T BE LONG COMING!  
GA: You Know That Is Completely Absurd  
GA: First Of All Because As Taxing As Your Self Flagellation Can Sometimes Be I Would Not Listen To You If I Did Not Want To Hear What You Had To Say  
GA: I Am Past The Stage In My Life Where I Would Allow My Pale Quadrant To Walk All Over Me In Such A Way  
GA: Thanks In Part To Your Intervention I Might Add  
GA: Secondly I Will Pose To You This Question  
GA: When Have I Ever Found You Revolting  
GA: Could It Be Any Of The Times I Fed On You Perhaps  
GA: Was It Any Of The Occasions We Have Piled  
GA: Did I Recoil In Horror The First Time We Bathed Together  
GA: Or Any Time After That  
GA: What Will It Take To Convince You That I Do Not Find You As Repulsive As You Find Yourself  
CG: OKAY OKAY, I GET IT, FUCK.  
CG: IT DOESN’T COUNT AS REASSURING ME WHEN YOU BEAT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CONCEPT.  
GA: Perhaps Not But I Despair Of Getting Through To You Any Other Way  
GA: I Will Not Say There Is Absolutely Nothing In Paradox Space You Could Do That Would Disgust Me Because You And I Know That Would Be Tempting Fate  
GA: But I Can Assure You That This Particular Proposal If Carried Through To Its Conclusion Will Not Be Sufficient Cause For Me To Remove You From My Pale Quadrant  
CG: SHIT, I HAVEN’T EVEN ASKED.  
CG: DO *YOU* WANT TO DO THIS?  
GA: Yes  
GA: Do You  
CG: OKAY, BEFORE I ANSWER THAT I NEED TO CLEAR THE AIR HERE.  
CG: I’M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT, ESSENTIALLY OUT OF NOWHERE AND COMPLETELY UNBIDDEN, BOTH MY SPADE AND MY DIAMOND ARE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO ACT OUT ONE OF MY LEWDEST FANTASIES WITH ME.  
CG: BOTH OF THEM GOING TO GREAT LENGTHS TO ASSURE ME THAT MY PARANOIA IS UNFOUNDED AND THAT THE OFFER IS BEING EXTENDED IN NOTHING BUT GOOD FAITH.  
CG: I WOULD ORDINARILY ASSUME THIS IS YET ANOTHER PRANK IN THE COMICAL CAVALCADE OF CRUEL JAPES AND AMUSING HUMILIATIONS THAT IS MY EXISTENCE.  
CG: EXCEPT YOU WERE RIGHT EARLIER, IT WAS SHITTY OF ME TO ASSUME YOU WERE TRYING TO BULLY ME INTO SOMETHING I REALLY WASN’T COMFORTABLE WITH AND I’M NOT GOING TO COMPOUND THAT BY ACCUSING YOU OF BEING DISHONEST ABOUT THIS.  
GA: Noted  
GA: And Now That The Air Is As Clear As It Will Ever Be What Is Your Answer  
CG: ...MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T ACTUALLY GET STRIDER TO SING ABOUT IT


	4. Chapter 4

Rose lay flushed, sticky, exhausted and happy among a cornucopia of (now thoroughly stained) pillows and blankets.  Pressed up against one side of her, Kanaya luminesced dimly, a low intensity glow Rose knew indicated utter satiation, in both senses of the rainbow drinker’s appetites.  Karkat dozed against her opposite flank, his lack of twitching, thrashing or screaming indicating genuinely restful sleep on his part, likewise a sign of satisfaction.  The trolls lay with fingers interlaced over Rose’s body, hands warm and cool against her stomach.

She was in dire need of a shower, not to mention a toothbrush, smeared as she was with both ruby and emerald spunk (the way the two of them had been so fastidious not to catch one another in the crossfire had been nothing short of precious, even as they'd inevitably failed). A glass of water or two might also have been in order, although Rose supposed she had swallowed more than enough fluids to compensate for what her Matesprit had taken during the act.  The Seer of Light rated both as distant, not especially pressing chores for later.  At the moment she felt lazy, and the mess she knew the three of them would be once the material dried was not sufficient to overpower her utter contentment.  The soft breathing of her partners, the soft fabric beneath her naked body, the limp feeling that followed consecutive orgasms, everything indicated that the appropriate course of action was to stay right where she was, until she joined Karkat and Kanaya somewhere in the bubbles.

 

In retrospect, setting the whole thing up hadn’t been that difficult after all.


End file.
